1- When conversing through e-mail, don't write your life story.
Nothing turns off a woman more than a man who can't shut up. If you don't believe it, the next time you're corresponding with a woman you've met online, write a one-page e-mail about what you like to do on weekends, and see what kind of response you get.. Nine times out of 10, a woman won't even reply to you. She'll simply delete your e-mail and move on to the next guy. Why is that?
First, women usually perceive a long-winded man as needy. And most women want a challenge. Needy men aren't challenging. Second, quite frankly, women want to do all of the talking. And they want you to listen.
What to do: Keep all your e-mail replies short (i.e. no longer than three sentences). The first two sentences should be used for answering a question (or questions) she may have asked, and the last sentence should be reserved for asking her a question.
Remember: Questions keep the 'dialogue' moving, and give her the sense that you are thoughtful and interested.
2- Don't initiate sexual talk.
Many women think men have nothing but sex on brain. Though there is some truth to this statement, you'll get further in the game by not hinting at or talking about sex.
Besides, in this politically correct world, who wants to take the chance of offending women with sex talk, especially if you don't know them well?
What to do: Just don't do it. In fact, you'd be surprised by how many women will actually initiate a conversation about sex. When a woman initiates talk about sex, consider that a green light, though your comments should be very well thought out. Besides, if you're looking for aggressive sexual dialogue with a woman, there are plenty of 'adult' personal sites that cater to that like Fleshpot.
3- Don't lie. It's a known fact that a significant percentage of men and women lie about themselves, whether it's about marital status, income, education level or occupation, when it comes to creating an online profile of themselves.
It's true that the lies will catch up with you, sooner rather than later. And if you find a woman who is really interested in you, and you've lied to her, it's just a matter of time before she finds out the truth.
What to do: If you think your income is too low, or if your occupation isn't exactly exciting, simply 'up-sell' other qualities about yourself. Focus on the good instead. Never lie to impress a woman. Ever.
4- Don't send too many e-mail or IM messages Again, you don't want to appear needy. One way to appear needy is by sending a woman three or four e-mail or IM messages a day.
Of course, if the e-mail or IM conversation is moving along at breakneck speed and is interesting and stimulating, then by all means, have a full-fledged dialogue with her. In other words, don't hold back. You may even try to close the deal right there and ask her out on a date. But if you're in the early stages where you're still in the process of getting to know each other, then I suggest keeping your interactions to a minimum.
What to do: I know it's difficult, especially if the woman is hot, but you have to be disciplined. Limit yourself to two e-mails per day, and keep streaming IM conversations to no longer than 15 minutes. If the dialogue exceeds this time, then excuse yourself and end the conversation, saying that you have some things to take care of -- and don't go into detail about it. By doing this, you'll remain mysterious, something that turns most women on.
5- Don't spread yourself too thin. One of the better problems to have with Internet dating is corresponding with too many women.
But What man doesn't want to be chased by dozens of beautiful women? But the way it works is, having an effective personal ad that generates a lot of responses can backfire on you if you're not careful.
For instance, in the past month, I've received 56 responses to my ad on AdultFriendFinder. That's a ton of women to e-mail. In fact, it's too many. Way too many.
If you try to reply to every single woman who responds to your ad, you'll soon find yourself spending your days writing e-mail. More importantly, you'll start forgetting what you've said and to whom. I can't tell you how many times I've been embarrassed because I asked a woman the same question four or five times.
What to do: Though I encourage you to be polite, you may find yourself physically unable to reply to every woman who has responded to your ad. In fact, I recommend that you don't reply to every woman who responds to your personal ad. Instead, if you're getting dozens of responses each week, only reply to the women you wish to pursue further. If these leads don't work out for you, then you can always go back to the other women you didn't reply to originally.
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You see her across the room. WoW, so attractive. But There's nobody to introduce her to you. 'Ah, I'll do a James Bond on her,' you think. Now what was Bond's first words to Pussy Galore? 'I must be dreaming.' No, that won't work. How about singing 'Underneath the Mango Tree' to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in 'Dr. No'. huh? No! Well, what's left? You'll just have to go up and talk to her, if it's a situation where you won't see her again. But it's always safe to assume that she has a boyfriend that can squeeze the stuffings out of a gold ball. That aside, take a chance and make polite conversation. What's the worst that can happen. She says, 'I'm sorry, I'm not available.' and you save the time and money of a date with her. Like George Burns says, 'When a beautiful woman says 'no' to me, it's a relief.
If you know that you will see her again, like at your university, your job, or working at a restaurant, you can have another shot at her and use the shy man's approach to getting a date.
'You farm boys don't make a pitch, you just shy your way into position,' Ann Margaret says to Pat Boone in 'State Fair'. Okay, here it is. Instead of asking her to dinner or out on a date which has romance intended, get some tickets to a concert or event first, and then with tickets in hand say, 'I just happened to have tickets to this event. If you'd like to go with me, I'd be happy to take you.' This way the subject is the event. Talk about the person singing at the concert, instead of if the two of you could hit it off or not. She can easily say yes or no, or ask more questions about you or the time and place of the event. She doesn't have the pressure of turning you down, so she can just turn the event down and that will be that. And if by chance she can't make that date, but is interested in you, she can start talking about going out another time.
I've strongly suggested this 'ticket' technique to both men and women who are infatuated with someone at work, or at shop, or restaurant, and have no idea how to make an approach. If the person is available, they usually say yes to an invitation. After all, it's just going to an event. It's not really a date.
I used this 'ticket' technique in college to ask out a beautiful stranger. I was very shy, but was 'in love' from a distance so I had to take some kind of scary attraction. Her name was Cindy and I often saw her in the student lounge surrounded by guys. It took weeks of watching her before I could catch her walking alone, and ask her if she'd like to go see the reserved seat Cinerama showing of 'Grand Prix'. She said, 'Well, I don't know you, but if you come and talk to me sometimes and I get to know you, then maybe.'
So in the next days I made an attempts at getting in a few words with her as she talked with her friends. Then I found out she was taking the film appreciation class that I had taken a semester earlier. So I pushed the teacher to show my new 16mm action film in the class that she was in. He fiqured I had a secret motive because he said he'd show it in the morning class, but I said it had to be shown in the afternoon class (the one Cindy was in). Finally, he agreed.
I not only directed the film, but had a part in it where I used my newly learned karate and hoped she would be impressed. The film went over great with the class cheering and applauding. As she was leaving the class I said to her, 'Well, do you know me well enough now?' She said, 'To go out with you? I replied, 'Yes.' She smilled and nodded her head yes. So don't 'ask her out'. Don't 'take her to dinner'. Get some tickets, and maybe she'll answer you like Cameron Diaz does in 'Charlie's Angels'. 'Tickets? I love tickets!'
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Technique! We seem to have become obsessed by it! There are probably thousands of books offering detailed explanations of ways to make love to your partner. But what about spontaneity? Where's that gone? What about the pleasures of the impromptu quickie? You're both horny, there's a raw urgency in the air, and you need it NOW!
Some women are afraid to let their partner know that they'd like a quickie. Supposing he misinterprets it and thinks you just want a quick shag that can be over and done with in no time because you can't be bothered with the 'real thing'? The truth is, if you're horny and lusting for him, wanting a quickie will just show how much you still fancy him on a physical basis. You wouldn't feel irked at being desperately wanted by the guy you fancy most, would you?
Sex serves many purposes and variation is no bad thing. One purpose is the reinforcement of that private bond which exists only between the two of you; something nobody else can share in. For this reason, having a quickie in a 'forbidden' situation can actually strengthen the relationship. When everybody is in full swing at the party, a couple that go outside and urgently make love have a secret that's theirs alone.
The excitement of being found out is also frequently linked with quickie sex. Having a quick romp in a semi-public place (such as behind the garage at the above mentioned party) can be highly stimulating. The feeling of 'naughtiness' often leads to intense arousal, culminating in delicious sex that's equally as good as the sex we'd ordinarily have in our comfortable beds with plenty of foreplay.
The term 'sex-positions' takes on a whole new meaning with quickie sex and couples often find themselves in positions that they'd never have otherwise experimented with. Old pieces of furniture, a wall, a washing machine or anything else that happens to be close by comes into its own when no-frills sex is on the menu.
One or both partners are usually partially dressed, something which in itself can be very arousing. Being held up against a wall with one breast outside your bra, your knickers around your knees and trying not to kick those litter bins for fear of attracting unwanted attention.... well, it could just as easily be a fantasy!
Afterwards, show interest - If you really like the guy, waiting for the call after a successful date is nerve-wracking. You know he's interested and you're definitely interested, you're just waiting for him to call you so you could arrange another date. Try giving him a day or two. He usually has to get his act together and work up the courage to call. If he doesn't call, he's probably still tongue-tied from being in your presence. Call him up to say hello. Talk about the date and how you had fun and give hints. No matter how dense he will pick up on it and he'll probably be asking you for another date!
There's no right time or place for a quickie. Only your imagination can limit where and when. If you really want it, you'll find a place or situation that will be suitable for a bout of urgent sex. The kitchen table, the garden shed, or even a toilet seat will do. Just keep one thing in mind - no matter how desperate you are, it really isn't a good idea to subject unwitting by-passers to your amorous frolics. There are plenty of exhibitionists around, but we aren't all voyeurs!
Happy Bonking!
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It can be difficult to be a woman in the dating arena. A lot of things can go wrong for you and more so than it can for the guy. Plus, men can be really dense about a few things. Well, no worries. Here are a few tips on what to do and not to do during a date:
1) Timing is important - Timing as in 'on time'. No matter what they say, there is no such thing as 'fashionably late'. For the first date, this can give the guy jitters and make him think that you've stood him up. For the later dates, having him wait for you in the living room for half an hour with either your roommate, your sister or, worse, your father is not something you want him to do - whether it be for the embarrassing stories or Dad's 'eyes of doom'.
2) Keep your head on straight - Yes, we all know dates are supposed to be fun, but knowing what's going on is important both for your own safety and for you love life. Is your date acting suspicious or just nervous? Maybe you'd want to end the date early or do something to calm him down. Is he taking notice of what you're wearing or just ogling? The choice to either wink at him or just stare knowingly is up to you. Is his attention on you or the girl next to you? You might wish to reward him with a smile or a slap. Situational awareness is not just for soldiers on the front but also for young women on the prowl.
3) Be nice - Have a positive attitude, find things that you like and tell him. Compliment him about his clothes, how he looks and how well the date is going. It puts him at ease and also makes him feel important. It also shows him that you're taking notice of him and you appreciate him. But, don't lie. Like I said, look at the bright side of things - the service of the restaurant may have been slow but the ambiance was terrific. Try making it into a habit, you aren't lying - you're just being diplomatic!
4) Do not complain - This may be technically part of tip three, but it deserves a separate heading. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell him that something is wrong or something makes you uncomfortable. The way you phrase it and the tone you use is important here. 'Venting', like we do with our girl friends, is not going to go over well with him since he'll probably misinterpret it. Grin and bear it then tell him after the date in calm, reasoned tones your problem. Trust me, he'll understand and he'll try to make it up to you.
5) Enjoy the date - A date is a chance to get to know each other and to enjoy yourselves. Have fun during the date. Try not to be hyper-critical and just take things in stride. If you're not having fun, your date will notice and, trust me, he will get nervous which will probably start ruining the experience for both of you. Also, just let your guard down for a little while. Let him see the real you. He may or may not like it, but in the end he will appreciate the honesty of the act. Besides, if he doesn't like you for you, why should you keep on dating?
6) Afterwards, show interest - If you really like the guy, waiting for the call after a successful date is nerve-wracking. You know he's interested and you're definitely interested, you're just waiting for him to call you so you could arrange another date. Try giving him a day or two. He usually has to get his act together and work up the courage to call. If he doesn't call, he's probably still tongue-tied from being in your presence. Call him up to say hello. Talk about the date and how you had fun and give hints. No matter how dense he will pick up on it and he'll probably be asking you for another date!
7) Be consistent - For those who've crossed the 'First Date' Rubicon, try maintaining the impression you made on him on that first date. Men don't like surprises except, of course, if they plan them. Talk to each other, both on and off dates, to get to know each other more. What he got on the first date was a sneak peek and what he should get from your continued dating should be the entire reel.
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