When it comes to dating (or even seducing) a woman, confidence is vital. Women often equate “self confidence” with the ability to be successful. While many men believe that women look for successful men because they'’re likely to make more money and that’ is simply not true.

While it’s a given, women actually look for successful men because they'’re more likely to be satisfied. So you may be wondering what a man being satisfied has to do with anything. Let me explain. You see, women know that men who are satisfied with themselves are less likely to go out looking for someone to satisfy them and are more stable.

And in a relationship that means a man will be less likely to cheat, or change jobs frequently or get himself into any number of other compromising situations. Remember that most women are looking for a man who will be their partner as well as their lover.

Not only do they want a partner when it comes to things like companionship, decision-making and finances, but in the bedroom, as well. In order to effectively seduce a woman you must make her feel as though you’re both equals.

When it comes to confidence, there are two kinds of people - those who have it and others who simply do no’t. Although on the surface this may be true, everyone has the potential to be “self confident”, or Fearless when it comes to dating.

Take heart in knowing that you’re a good person, smart, funny, good at your job, loving, considerate or whatever else you find to be positive character traits that you have. Be comforted to know that NOT all women are looking for a CEO or brain surgeon. They just want a man who’s confident with who he is, what he knows and what he has to offer to a relationship with them.

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"Opposites attract" is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? In a world that is full of strangers as a line in a famous song of the 1980's goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one's sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new research such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of mens shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women's genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women's ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate's personality. According to research conducted by Klohnen & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a persons sense of self-security and at least the persons perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships:
I thought he/she was this kind of person.

So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

Should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo's research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.

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1) Leave the mobile phone off! Do not answer it if it is on Silent either. You should only do this if you are expecting an emergency and I mean an emergency. You only look like a deadhead, self-centered fool answering a phone at a meeting that is important and that goes for all meetings. It's inconsiderate and breeds contempt from the other party even if they agree to you answering it. They're only being polite which you're not, if you do have a ringing phone and answer it. This does not mean leave it at home - you may need it later.

2) Don't smoke anything in the presence of others unless they also smoke and for goodness sake make sure that no one near you is eating. Never smoke in an area where people are eating even if they smoke. You would be a fool to smoke in the presence of your date when they didn't smoke. If you're smart, it may be time to think about not smoking in their presence again.

3) A good rule is not to talk about your achievements unless you are asked. Bragging is more often frowned upon and puts people off early. Show some interest in your date and their hobbies achievements and interests. If you do this regularly enough, it will become a habit and your good social skills will become very obvious to others including your date.

4) Find some way to compliment them. This is good practice even if you don't think this person is right for you. What goes around comes around! This is also a great building block for social skills improvement.

5) Smart casual attire is always good for the first date. Girls - don't go over the top with jewelry. It looks crass and sometimes cheap! Subtlety is the name of the game here. Boys - don't swear or cuss. It only indicates ignorance and sometimes stupidity. It does not make you look tough. Your actions and the way you deal with life will show how tough you are quickly enough. Most people can find an adjective somewhere in their vocabulary to describe things. You'll find that you can too!

6) Most girls like to be respected and despite their eye lashes fluttering away in some scenarios, they are generally quite bright and one step ahead of you. The more you treat them like your equal in conversation, the more quickly you will identify a good match for you or not.

7) Most guys like to have interest shown in their achievements or interests. In fact, you could just focus on this for the whole date and be safe if you wanted to.

8) Eat like a human being - don't scarf down the food like it's your last meal. Don’t fill up. This will ensure that you can feel good about doing something after you've dined i.e. dancing, a walk or even consider going to a different venue for coffee, dessert, dancing or a drink. Mixing your venues often displays varying behavior. If your date starts to swing from a chandelier after one drink you may want to consider the future carefully.

9) Guys - if you enjoyed your date, say so at the end of the evening. Follow up with a thoughtful gift such as flowers to her place of work or her doorstep. It does NOT have to be expensive. The surprise is what counts here along with the fact that you have obviously thought about her since the date. Hand write the card and leave a phone number she can catch you on.

10) Girls - try not to make yourself too available at the end of your first date. But make your feelings clear with an element of subtlety. Whatever you do not ask him if he will call again. Your mind set must be one of value and that if doesn't call then there will be another who will.

One more thing - on your first few dates never and I mean never get in a discussion of old boy friends or girlfriends, ex wives or husbands, or anything to do with these issues - Never!

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You see her across the room. WoW, so attractive. But There's nobody to introduce her to you. 'Ah, I'll do a James Bond on her,' you think. Now what was Bond's first words to Pussy Galore? 'I must be dreaming.' No, that won't work. How about singing 'Underneath the Mango Tree' to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in 'Dr. No'. huh? No! Well, what's left? You'll just have to go up and talk to her, if it's a situation where you won't see her again. But it's always safe to assume that she has a boyfriend that can squeeze the stuffings out of a gold ball. That aside, take a chance and make polite conversation. What's the worst that can happen. She says, 'I'm sorry, I'm not available.' and you save the time and money of a date with her. Like George Burns says, 'When a beautiful woman says 'no' to me, it's a relief.

If you know that you will see her again, like at your university, your job, or working at a restaurant, you can have another shot at her and use the shy man's approach to getting a date.

'You farm boys don't make a pitch, you just shy your way into position,' Ann Margaret says to Pat Boone in 'State Fair'. Okay, here it is. Instead of asking her to dinner or out on a date which has romance intended, get some tickets to a concert or event first, and then with tickets in hand say, 'I just happened to have tickets to this event. If you'd like to go with me, I'd be happy to take you.' This way the subject is the event. Talk about the person singing at the concert, instead of if the two of you could hit it off or not. She can easily say yes or no, or ask more questions about you or the time and place of the event. She doesn't have the pressure of turning you down, so she can just turn the event down and that will be that. And if by chance she can't make that date, but is interested in you, she can start talking about going out another time.

I've strongly suggested this 'ticket' technique to both men and women who are infatuated with someone at work, or at shop, or restaurant, and have no idea how to make an approach. If the person is available, they usually say yes to an invitation. After all, it's just going to an event. It's not really a date.

I used this 'ticket' technique in college to ask out a beautiful stranger. I was very shy, but was 'in love' from a distance so I had to take some kind of scary attraction. Her name was Cindy and I often saw her in the student lounge surrounded by guys. It took weeks of watching her before I could catch her walking alone, and ask her if she'd like to go see the reserved seat Cinerama showing of 'Grand Prix'. She said, 'Well, I don't know you, but if you come and talk to me sometimes and I get to know you, then maybe.'

So in the next days I made an attempts at getting in a few words with her as she talked with her friends. Then I found out she was taking the film appreciation class that I had taken a semester earlier. So I pushed the teacher to show my new 16mm action film in the class that she was in. He fiqured I had a secret motive because he said he'd show it in the morning class, but I said it had to be shown in the afternoon class (the one Cindy was in). Finally, he agreed.

I not only directed the film, but had a part in it where I used my newly learned karate and hoped she would be impressed. The film went over great with the class cheering and applauding. As she was leaving the class I said to her, 'Well, do you know me well enough now?' She said, 'To go out with you? I replied, 'Yes.' She smilled and nodded her head yes. So don't 'ask her out'. Don't 'take her to dinner'. Get some tickets, and maybe she'll answer you like Cameron Diaz does in 'Charlie's Angels'. 'Tickets? I love tickets!'

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