1. Remember, you’re not alone. Many people live in close quarters or visit thin-walled places. View this predicament as a common challenge, and have faith that you, too, can find solutions that work.

2. Know that it’s natural for you to feel embarrassed. Your embarrassment may be directly related to how mortified you’d be if you discovered that you’d been overheard. Yikes! Give yourself points for being so proper and polite.

3. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Certainly there are those who might thrill at making public displays. But most people are shy about discussing the details of their sex lives, instead of the type who would shout it out. The root of the problem is that too many people are naïve about how well such sounds travel through open windows, thin walls, floors, ceilings, parked vehicles, tent fabric, and across fields of daisies.

4. Accept that it’s normal to be turned on when you hear sex noises. Your brain is wired with mirror neurons, which make you automatically imitate the physiology, actions, and emotions of others. They yawn, you yawn. They’re aroused, you’re aroused. You’re not a perv.

5. Keep perspective. Acknowledge that sex is a normal, natural, pleasurable, and often blessed act involving love. And love makes the world go ‘round, right? In fact, hearing noisy sex is far less stressful than hearing a couple scream angrily at each other. And the episode won’t last as long as a colicky baby or a lonely barking dog. Awwww. On the other hand, you'd be a hero to those neighbors if you could gently, helpfully intervene by offering to hold their baby or play with their dog. Intervening about the sex would not be so well-received. Still, you could....

6. Ask them to change their ways. If you are desperate enough or brave enough to intervene, you could write an anonymous note and post it where they’ll see it. Remember, you get more flies with honey than vinegar.

7. Change your ways. This strategy is generally most successful and Zen-like. It mainly consists of blocking the noise at your end. Shut your own windows. Install your own soundproofing. Procure noise-cancelling headphones. Move to a deserted island. Other noise-blockers of varying effectiveness include earplugs, listening to music, running the vacuum cleaner, turning on a window fan, or even getting out and going for a walk. Of course, being awakened in the middle of the night reduces your options, but earplugs and/or using a fan or white noise machine might do the trick.

You can also geek out on the evolutionary science of our mammalian tendencies. Some researchers postulate that noisy sex can be adaptive; perhaps female vocalizations encourage the partner to keep up the good work as well as enhancing the partner’s pleasure. And voilà!

8. Enlist outside intervention. For example, you could alert an apartment complex manager and ask them to handle it. Or talk to other neighbors for support and strength in numbers. Some people resort to calling the police, but this should be a last resort. Loud sex is not exactly an emergency, unless you’re chronically distressed, sleep deprived, or think someone’s safety is at risk. Then, don’t hesitate to call 911!

9. Contemplate this: Do you have loud sex? Given the pervasiveness of this problem, it's quite possible. Remember, it's common courtesy to refrain from invading others’ private spaces with vociferous displays of your private activities. Be a good neighbor and practice self-awareness, monitor your noise levels, use soundproofing, and be respectful of others. This courtesy is especially important for multi-generational family households.

10. Alternatively, embrace the loud sex. If this works for you and your living situation, take it in stride as a fact of life. And if your nearest neighbors are noisy, this grants permission for you to be noisy too. Back atcha! If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Of course, you risk embarrassing yourself and others. Though, wouldn’t that be sweet justice—if the loudest offenders, the ones who drew you over to the dark side, ended up tacking a note on your door? Let the hilarity ensue!

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