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A friend was recently complaining about her lack of sleep. She lives in an apartment with two shared walls and one of those shared walls happens to be in her bedroom. The neighbors on the other side of that wall? A lovely couple who have the loudest sex ever.
As I have a good deal of experience in this funny area, I was only happy to help. Back when I first started blogging for Smitten (almost two years ago!) I told you dolls that my then neighbors liked to hoot and holler during their hooking up sessions. Which happened on the regular. I've since moved to the suburbs where I (happily) don't have to worry about being loud during sex or worse, listening to my neighbors get their freak on. Here are my favorite ways to deal with nookie-noisy neighbors:
1. Leave an anonymous passive aggressive sticky note on their front door. Something like, "Please keep it down when getting down. Some of us are trying to sleep at 3AM," should do the trick.
2. Find the most unsexy song or recording in your music library and play at full blast it with the speakers pressed up against your shared wall. I have a very riveting mp3 of one of my professors reading The Canterbury Tales. In Middle English. Other tunes to consider: holiday songs, books on CD, TV theme songs and soundtracks from musicals.
3. Invest in a box of comfy earplugs.
4. Whenever they get too loud, rearrange your furniture. Stomp around the house. Have a drum circle party with your favorite pots and wooden spoons. When they stop their noise making to listen—and they will—stop your noise making. When they start back up—and they will—follow suit and get noisy again. Repeat. Another variation worth giving a go: friend used to bounce super balls off the common wall until his neighbors stopped shouting their dirty talk.
5. Fight fire with fire. Have equally loud sex. (See Forgetting Sarah Marshall for some fun tips on this technique) Or just make loud sexy sounds. Even if it doesn't work, projecting your grunting and moaning is sure to make you giggle.
6. Try a sound machine.
7. If it's not too weird (honestly, though, no matter how you shake it's going to be weird), say something to a member of the couple in the common areas of your building. You could try something like, "The walls in the building are so thin aren't they? I always hear everything, don't you? Someone should really tell Mr. Perkins in 3B that he needs to turn down the TV during Top Shot. Doesn't it drive you crazy how loud our neighbors can be? Especially late at night?"
Of course we should be happy for those having awesomely loud sex on a regular basis but when your own sleep gets interrupted by raucous rolls in the hay, drastic measures are occasionally necessary.
Have you ever had neighbors who have ridiculously loud sex? How'd you deal? I was a big fan of stomping around the apartment (my loud neighbors lived below me) in heels or boots. Or maybe you've been the noisy neighbor?
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